everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
