she woke up with a sticky ear
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
