Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
