i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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