I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
