Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
