I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
