theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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