The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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