you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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