Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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