It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
