i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
