Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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