i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
