Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Holy shit dude........stairs
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