I cockslap morals
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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