got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
