My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
