i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
