I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just invented taco cereal.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
