May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
