Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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