Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
