what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
