I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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