apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
