By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize