Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
