Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
