i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
