well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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