Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
