You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
