She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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