Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize