We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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