the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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