Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
