Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
