And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
