Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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