I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
