This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
