Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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