i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
