In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
