Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
