Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
