I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
