is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
