I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
