I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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