So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
