4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
