Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
