sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
