you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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