There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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