dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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