Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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