if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
