U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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