i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
